:: Dnubirom .....reverof dna dne eht tilnu won ::

:: Thursday, September 25, 2003 ::

in the end... i'll have to go back to school and work for money... but i wanna think... even if it tears my mind... or is that bad...?


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 9:35 PM [+] ::
...

haha, here's a pun...:
so Friday, a knee came with Jon Muckey... Sat... after practice, I got Syked into goin' to Bolsa Chica with Mike-o and Robin, then got Syked to hang with her mom and bobi... Sun... I got Lade with her mom and sister and Binh... Mon... I've Binh with tin and we got Lade... then her mom came and i brought tin to her car (supposed to be a metal funny joke thing... blah!!!)... then went to noel's and tagged along with him to get his bro... Tuesday... i ate with kate without fish but with trish... saw a nik nak paddiwak, no dog to give a bone, then a gilb trip... haha... then this ol' bat came driving home... *shrug... Wed. the tin got icky and aaron and noel went to get Lade... i just tagged along... and I was carolyn along... hahaha... i dont' know... but not...
i got to do aknee's pics now/later...*bobi l's head... cuz if i'm late, unlike kate... i'll get a knee in my gut, then have a tin metal plate to cover the bruise... that would look icky and muckey... then i'll need to get lade to make myself feelin' better while carolyn along songs... i'll need aaron my lungs or in my lungs... yeah... yeah... i'll just neil down now... and eat fish on a dish, right trish? SYKE!!!... haha... hahahhahhaha i'm crazy... or WIERD... yeah, i'm WIERD... cuz No L is wierdier-o than mike-o... what's the difference between BATMAN and a black man? BATMAN doesn't need robbin' to go in a store... id on't know man, i heard that joke somewhere... blah blah blah... what a nik nak this is... i hope i don't get a gilbt trip aboot it... i best stop this post now... this whole post has binh gay...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 12:46 PM [+] ::
...

so like entiresting, very the past dayz[go to last paragraph for summery]... aknee and jon came over friday... hung out at my place... wow... friends came over to MY house... unusual, tisn't it... congrats to aknee to be the first female Joseph friend to come over and Muckey to be the 6th Bosco Bro... talked about pics and what not... ... slept over at my sis... woke up early and brought her to her friend's house at 5 AM in Buena Park... (NOTE: KEEP TRACK WHERE I HAVE DRIVEN THIS WEEK) from there, drove home, excermicised, ate McD's, slept an hour then went to aknee's debut practice... wow i didn't realize it was the last practice until everyone started to leave :-(... anyhoo... that was from 10-4 good food... and still not everyone was there to practice... everyone got there but came and went at different times... i was in the picture takin' mark's place... sux for him... cuz when krizia and her sis kristine? were leaving, we took the pics before they left... and then aileen's sis kristine? took over Sy's place and stuffff... blah blah... fun fun billy willy MMM mmm ahhhh... *scratches tummy and back... soooo afterwards Sy was goin' to be taken home by Karen and her mom, but she wanted to go to a friend's house... near Bolsa Chica... so we said our good-byes, and what's odd is i hugged the parents bye... ya'know??? bye hugs??? if u know me, and i've met ur parents, i usually just wave... wierd... i gave bye hugs to parents... haha.. so i took her, found the place... hung out with Mike and ROBIN... yeah, yeah... then we left around 10:30ish PM... (sweet... ok so it's been an hour and a half since i continued to write in this haha... where was i? ok... left at 10:30ish then she called home and said somethin' was wrong... i dropped her off home... headed towards Karen's then had to make a U-turn to Sy's... then her, her mom, and i went to bobi's... from there picked up bobi and took him to sy's house... chilled and ate pizza... then went to karens round 2ish then left at 3 ish... went home, sleep, church at 10:30... then the bank and gas, then went to karens... tried to time it all but it didn't go as planned... details in my long blog... yuP, the long blog will still come haha... so packed my car with her stuff... brought binh to my house and he got ready there... from there go to noels... noel wasn't there dammit... change of plans... so from there went to karen's cousin's house... now if u must know my route thus far on this Sunday... it was ... haha read the route info on the last para... ok so... from the her cousins, played toys then off to UCE... haha... ummm... her, her mom, and her sis in one car... me and bing... imean binh... in mine... o yeah... binh's the first nonschool friend to enter my household... entiresting, very eh???... so yeah... ummm parking stuff... walking stuff... eating stuff... then buying stuff... her mom and sis left, then unpacking stuff... then off to home... from there Sn wanted me to accompany her to her orientation... miscommunication with my ears... thougth hang out with her after her orientation... so instead... i got to UCE around 10:30AMish went to binhs, Sn met up with us... then Karen was already at Binhs'... i'm all like... WTFreaks-in-a-mythologies... crazy shiznets... i thought she was at her dorm... haha... any hoo... talked and chillaxed... then went to her dorm... then...ummmm... binh left, went to go check out if Sn can still dorm... on the way we saw Aaron and Carolyn... kewlio to the max :-D... then checked out the clubs... saw my tito's nephew... (not my cousin; no blood relation)... he's AJ... kewlio to the max... invited me to go to a party Thurs. night... but sounds like i can't go cuz gotta get stuff ready... sux a bunch dammit!!! i was planning to too... oh vvell... then went to get Karen's books... her mom met us there... Tin... i mean... Sn (Speak... haha)... anywhoo... Sn had to go so i dropped her off at her car... and we left for our designated areas.... then i went to noels... chillaxed and ate popeyes... then i was in and out of Dominics then home... that was monday... so then... tuesday rest day, but i at breakfast in the SJHS parking lot with Patrizha and Kate... then to IHOP with titas and tito and nanay and my mom... meant to work on stuff but no... oh vvell... yeah, that's my problem... not workin' when i have stuff to do... anywhoo... then today... or yesterday wednesday... went to noels... aaron brought me and noel to karens... suprise suprise... maybe someone will blog or xanga about that... then... saw carolyn again... then home for us... and work for aaron...actually noel had his lola anniv. thing-a-ma-gig and i had my lola b-day thing-a-ma-gig... then family stuff... es allll good... but dang... that's another story... it's not a huge problem... but it's somethin' that gets me to think... i guess i'll blog that later... along with my ... okookokok... sooo i have my long blog still comin'... my education decisions blog... and then my family blog i owe u readers... haha SWEET SHIBBY OF ALL SHIBBINESS!!! i lasted 3 weeks of 7 dayz worth of blogs... it was hard enough to do 2 weeks... i'm kewlio about it cuz i dont' wanna be a loser who blogs everday... so i try not to... wahwahwah...

so in the end... in summery... [summary???]: On friday...Aknee and Jon Muckey came... to my house... Sat. sister's friend's house in Buena Park... then Aknee's practice in Long Beach... then i got SYKED and went to Bolsa Chica... then Cerritoes... then... Paramount??? then Cerritoes... then Karen's in Lakewood? right? dont' know... ... [buena park... 405N... 710N 405S... 405N 605 N... back and forth then back... then home... okokokok] SUN. Lakewood? then Long Beach... then West Long Beach... then... ummm what's Karen's cousin' house at???... then my house then noel's then UCE then home... [Lakewood... then 605S 405N to my house on those cross streets... then 405 N to Noels... then 710N 91W 605N to the cuzzes of Karen... then 605S to 405S to UCE... funny stuff on the freeway... blocking and all... anywhooooo... then home 405 N] Mon. 405S then 405N... haha... UCE then to noels then sidestreeted to dominics... then home... Tues... ate breakfast in SJHS eating Carl's Jr... and IHOP(just drank coffee)... wed... 405 S... to UCE again... and then 405 N... ate at... a vietnamese restaurant for my nanay's b-day??? (but in this case my nanay is my mom's mom... and my lola is my dad's mom... just to tell u the differentiationtiontniont....) anyhwooo... home now... and talked on the phone and sleep... now...


hmmm....dont' WONDER, don't ASK... well F U then... i will wonder and i will ASK.... i wanna know.... Ignorance is bliss..... well, if it is.... i don't want bliss.... i want to know what everyone knows, even if it causes pain(i'll take the risk, i may regret it, but i am i askin' it upon myself and i'll take responsibility for it)(Again, Pandora's box...)
vvhatever - Oct. 30 2002


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 1:11 AM [+] ::
...

*brushes teeth...
i dont' get it... i just don't get it... the past few days i've watched Daredevil, Spider-man, The Man in the Iron Mask, and You've Got Mail... and each one... the emotional scenes has always almost gotten me to tear up... what's up with that???... kinda likea freaks-in-a-mythologies, ya'know??? *sigh... still thinkin' ya'know... about stuff... everything... literally... just gotta think... no interruptions... especially my mom... she's bothered to the max that i'm "not" doing anything and staying at home... shush it!!! i'm ready when i'm ready... but her... unfriendly motherly reminders keep me going... so don't stop that ya'know???... but stop!!!... wahwahwah... and since i have the time to think... wait wait wait... ummm yeah... i'll be tryin' to keep in touch... *squints; nods head... *brushes teeth...
ttyl


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 4:48 PM [+] ::
...

dont' know y i'm bloggin' this... it just came to mind... maybe those who read it will find some sort of solution in it... i remember in Confirmation, one of the activities were to discuss about life... on a paper it said... pretend ur a Heart Sugeon... and there r 6 patients... all would surely die that night, but u only have time for 1 patient to work on... all the family and friends of the designated patient wants their person to be worked on... because of the dilemma, u have to choose which patient to be worked on... a) a mother of 4 children, b) one week old baby, c) a brain surgeon whom he himself saved countless lives, d) a convict, e) a friend's father, f) a clergymen who has done miracles in which they were witnessed... i was the only one that chose the convict... most of the group chose to work on the baby, the rest of the votes were distributed evenly with the rest... ok so... the reason y i chose the convict was because it would be assumed that all, except the convict, led a good life... and that they'd all probably go to heaven... y not give the convict more time to live so that he/she can correct his/her life... ya'know???... eh... that's y i chose 'em... and then the prodigal son story... like ok... so ur the one that stayed and helped ur family and did good in life... always independent, no need of help... then y should u get the attention if ur being takin' care of urself...??? when the sheep is lost away from the pack... u look for that sheep and tend to it, ... y help those who r fine and dandy??? so if ur jealous of not gettin' the attention???... i dont' know... mult. scenerios went into mind... too lazy or too tired to type it all... vvhatever... blah blah blah... yada yada yada... i'm out like diz... *POOF*...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 12:37 PM [+] ::
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RIP John Ritter
sux a bunch
Come and knock on our door.
uhh, yeah that just sounds scary... i was just singing the lyrics... i don't wanna open the door to some ghost guy... actually i do want to meet ghosts, bu not... ya'know???

Life is short. It just shows that you should just sieze the day. - The View
t'was funny... conan was on the View... he did IF THEY MATED with each one... except that one girl... but yeah that was funny... OOOHHHH!!! ... and forgetting his wife's name Liza... and getting beat up as a kid cuz his name was Conan... the Barbarian... haha DEFEND URSELF... haha... and then his 10th anniv. episode is comin' up on Sunday... and his wife is having a baby courtesy of him soon... and there's a battle now cuz David Letterman's GF is now pregnant... and yeah, he's tall... and he's funny... just look at him... haha... HE's FUNNY!!!

vvovv a post that isn't philililsophical to an extant, kinda... yeah... ok


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 1:25 PM [+] ::
...

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

vvovv... much lower than i thought... entiresting, very...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 9:59 PM [+] ::
...

haha... maybe it's the starbucks... 8-o.... wide-eyed... oh oh!!!
%*_*% <~~ faded... wahwahwah...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 4:18 AM [+] ::
...

wow took almost an hour to type... but i took some breaks ya'know???
haha... i copied pasted on word... it took 5 full pages!!! much more than my freakin' ASEPTIC TECHNIQUE REPORT... and it's my own words!!! take that, James BROWN...???
alan greenspan??? foil??? oh foil method... ok i'll stop now... gotta savor my happiness now... because for tonight... [blogs later]... bum bum buuummmmmmmm... *types on the keyboard... oh yeah,,... oh yeah... ?:-? riiiiigght... equals something


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 4:11 AM [+] ::
...

ya'know... this "philisophical" ways of mine interrupts my "real" life work... ya'know wha ah mea?... shItzer... i want to elaborate but i'm trying to pull myself away from this comp... *sigh again... i'm not happy what i'm doing, i won't be happy whatever i decide to do... i know there's peeps out there that college JUST isn't for them... but not me... like if i could survive high school, i can handle college... but now, MAYBE, i'm one of those peeps that say college JUST isn't for them... shoots-in-a-mythologies... y am i still here? i should be doing this report... i skipped school just to do the dang report... but no, i had fun... hmmm... just because it feels good doesn't mean it is good... :-/ gotta find a way to make it work out... gotta find a way to work it out... but times not with me... if times not with me, i'll have to punch through the scolding... but i gotta plan it out... once i'm done with the scolding, i gotta make up the pain and suffering i've caused to others... mainly my parents, cuz they'll think i'm not going anywhere... which is STARTING to be true... so before i stop what i'm doing now (or not)... i gots to know what i got to do... I AM SO NOT CLEAR ON MY MINDSET RIGHT NOW... i'm f---ed and u know what??? f--- a grade... *scratch neck... freak it... freak it all... but am i ignoring a problem, or setting a guidline for myself to pass an obstacle to reach a goal... dammit... pharmacy school... they'll think i'm a quitter... but i WANT to think of it as... GOING TO SOMETHING BETTER FOR MYSELF... but they won't understand now,... and i can't prove my ways until the end... the end where i prove them all wrong, or just freaked my anal... *scratch head... *rubs neck... :-( tears to the max... but not... *sigh... dammit!!! what is this crap???... hmmm started with 8th grade algebra... wait wait... dont' wanna elaborate on that until i have time to think it though, cuz i might do this dang report... o my goodness i'm getting a scolding later today... *makes fists with both hands... STELLAAAA!!! haha jk jk... ummmm ... i'm not happy now... okokok... let's set what is given... i'm not happy now... and it seems as though vvhatever i do choose, i won't be happy then... *rubs mouth... medical isn't really my thing... y did i lose interest in FILM??? hmmm... where do i go to talk to someone??? get my foot in the door... what door??? i dont' know where to put it in the first place... my mouth??? blegh the after taste to the starbucks... *opens another starbucks and drinks... *washes hands... hmmm... ya'know??? wait, what was i thinking... shoot, i forgot...o yeah!!!... i wanna be insane... HONEST... i dont' wanna know what i'm doing... cuz then i can blame myself, but because i don't know what the heck is going on, i can't blame myself... others will, but it's not me... i'm insane... dammit, but i'm not... shoot i had other thoughts too... what were they??? i, personally, PLAN... always plan plan plan to better myself... schedule myself... but what did george jung say?... making up a master plan in life will make u miss life or somethin' like that?... o and a bronx tale... the saddest thing in life is wasted talant... was film my talant?... i dont' know... i lost interest yes, but i never lost it completely... i still have an... haha an eternal flame in me for it... i just need to add some... propane to light it up... higher... and higher!!!... muahhahhahha okokok... but there was a better quote in a bronx tale that i likes... o wait, but it doesn't really pertain to this situation... : u just gotta accept people who they are... *nods head... nods head to the max... but that's a somewhat different story... i'm talkin' about my financial future... yeah i dont' like mixing certain things... for example... home and work... business and pleasure... friends and family... i like it for what they are now... seperate... they're all unique cuz i have at least one to go to if there's trouble in the other... ya'know???... either way... i'm focusing more ont he business and pleasure... i want my financial job to be pleasurable... challenging, i guess... but like... am i afraid to take up the challenge? no... but i'm afraid of failing... but i'll fail either way since i'm NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT... just thinking... just thinking... *sigh... thinking is the first step, my friends... action will take place afterwards... or vvhatever noel said... yeah... ummm so when's the action goin' to take place, eh?... in time, my friend, in time... vvell, i hope it's soon, cuz things dont' look so good... from everyone's POV/perspective... things'll come when they come... until then think of the now... it is NOW... what the freaks-in-a-mythologies... sorry if it's not a psych lecture bloggamagig... but yeah... i dont' know y i'm typing here... but it soothes me in a sense... gettin' my feelings out... yeah,... u wanna know what i'm feeling? read my blog, u don't have to ask me and i don't have to copy paste everything and stuff and stuff and everything else that i'm thinkin' but not fast enought to TYPE... OK!!!... ... ... ... ummmm... i need an extended vacation... wahwahwah... it sux to hear that... cuz like when u hear someone has an extended vaca... somethin' is wrong... and u know what??? i have to make use of the vacation... find out what i like to do... wow... i'm feeling excited... i just got off my seat and like... wiggled my hands cuz like i have a brainstorm... jsut like every other thought and PLAN... but we'll see if it goes through... doubtful to the max but i gotta think!!!... hmmm... maybe when i'm done i'll give this to my mom... so she can read it... HONEST... gotta find my muse... an adventure *looks out in a adventurous way... ... i've always wanted to get myself into shape... but that means growing up... meaning... no more late nights... but freak... okokok dont' think like that... *burp... 'scuse'muah... i'll start excercsing... yeah, yeah... i'll start with physical... then mental... then spiritual... or should i start spiritual... vvhatever gotta start somewhere... let's think of the brawns... and while working on the brawns, i'll work on what to do about the mental... then when i'm mental... haha... then when i'mma be satisfied with both aspects... my spiritualness would work... i'm wastin' my parents money on this school thing anyway... so i might as well make myself useful around the house now... become my nanay and clean... yeah, yeah... learn how to clean... actually do chores around this here house... or not... maybe to learn how to cook... :-P... HONEST... in the past, before goin' to high school... i wanted to take a cooking class, workshop class, and automobile class ya'know??? to get the basics of plumbing problems, house problems, car problems... my dad can teach me some of those stuff too, but usually when he works on the car at the house... i don't wanna watch him work... i dont' know y... wierd eh, i think so too... hmmm... shoot now i'm thinkin' of being well-rounded... it sounds kewl, but not... it's kewl cuz i'll be well rounded, it's not cuz i'm just TALKING ABOUT IT AND NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!??!?!?! AHHHH YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY... waaaaaaaaaahhhhrgg *scratch head... yeah i wanted those types of classes at my school... mainly cuz when (now IF) i get a place of my own, i can take care of myself... and the education i learn is worth learning... household stuff... but what's the use of learning that if i can't get my own household stuff... *scratches head... okokokok... i guess the school system assumed i'll learn these household stuff at home... hmmm maybe that's true... waste of class time... humph... dang... gotta get the child when they're younger... yeah, i'm a spoiled lazy anal... aND I DON'T wanna BE!!!... yeah i wash the dishes and i used to vaccuum the carpets... but the glasses... dont' drink from the glasses if i washed it... just add water and u'll see the soap.... u know what the soap is??? yeah... the .... the thing... what's that word... ahh the soap... ya'know??? yeah... guess id idn't wash it too well... *shrug... more like if u can't see the grime, there is no crime...???... eh, just cuz u can't see it doesn't mean it's not there... <~~ wahwahwah get it???... dang double negatives... yeah... the english language is freaked up now... more like miscommunication... like if someone asks... "so r u not goin' to do it?" the other person replies "yes" or "no"... but like is the person saying "yes, i'm not" or "yes, i am"... or "no, i'm not" or ?no i am"? mix up the questions, mix up the answers... and we'll all be conPused still... *sigh... okokok ... thinkin' about education factors... ummmm gettin way off track... wahwahwah... i'm goin' to school yeah... they'll ask me what's goin' on... y make up BS answers??? i'll tell them... i'm a lazy anal... i won't say i'll do it later... it'll buy me more time, but most likely i won't do it... JUST LIKE NOW!!! y not stop wasting everyone's time on me!!???! honest... just stop spending on me... cut off everything... if i don't do anything, i shouldn't be receiving anything right??? and... sad to say it, and be hard on meself... but gotta stop... just gotta stop... everything stop... work slow... SLOW??? YES SLOW... if that's the way it's goni' to FINISH satisfyingly then so be it... my own pace??? i dont' know... but if it's too slow for others... it MIGHT BE just right for me... but i'm afraid of making a complete stop... i dotn' wanna stop... i dont' wanna work either... what is that psych term??? cognative dissonance??? ... shoot, let me get me book and find the exact term... yeah, that's the right work... Cognitive Dissonance: The uncomfortable feeling that arises when a person experiences contradictory or conflicting thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, or feelings. okokok... haha Cognitive Preparation: the strategy in which the person mentally rehearses possible outcomes.... shooooot... okokok... this is what i'm expecting later today... Cognitive Appraisal: The interpretation of an event that helps to determine its stress impact.... pfff if i only spend as much time on my school work... (not Homework blegh...) just as i spend my time on studying the psychological minds of meself and others... :-/ *shrug... money sux... yeah... okokok... gotta make a stand... AGAIN... but this time it HAS to work... i mean... shooot... don't be hard on me... but hard on me... ya'know??? i know what i gotta do, and u telling me... well yeah, guilt trip and all making my esteem lower OR fuel it... i don't know... but I DO KNOW WHAT i have to do... i just NEED TO DO IT... so like... yeah... help me... don't lecture me... aide me... i don't know... time... time isn't on everybody's side... and it's now kewl to the max... it's kewl to the min. if i ask peep to put their time on me... cuz y'aknow... i might waste their time too... so can't do that... they have stuff on their minds too... gotta do it... I gotta do it... dammit... AHHHHHHHHH what am i doing???... i want to change... people don't see it now... but i have to change so people will SEE IT LATER... but where to start... an opportunity will arise right? *determined face... *anxiety face... maybe it was meant to be that i'm a failure... it a FATE sense... like destined to be... sux i know... but like... if i try to be successful... in a way i don't like it... i won't like it... but i'll like being able to succeed... but can't the whole trip of being successful be fun??? no? dang sux a bunch... yeah, yeah... other aspects i wanted to say... i'm not cynical, or pessimistic, nor optimistic... maybe more of a dream right now... a dream to make meself better... but i'm still a realist KNOWING that i fi dont' do anything i'm failing... but i guess that's pessimistic.l..pffff... soo much typed... and stuf and stuff... but yeah... money ... the world is ... money make sthe world go around... i can be a minority and not go along with the flow... few would understand, but will i be satisfied... so far... all my educational decisions haven't been uplifting... so maybe i should jsut stop it... not stop completely... maybe make it dorment... be one of those old adults people u see in classes in colleges... maybe i'll be like one of them... *nods head... it's not bad, maybe they needed the break... at least they're changing... hopefully, most of them didn't regret taking that break... maybe... ya'know??? a lil bit of everything... fast learners... slow learners... each having regrets and no regrets... hmmm ... is that luck??? chance/?? like that bible story parable things... the seeds... Some seeds laid in good soil, the rest bad soil and other misc. soil... and blah stuff... okokok bible stuff... okokokko ummmmm what m i doing now??? what am i going to do???... let's go back ot he past... dont' linger in the past???... well the past is where it started... or i can't change the past??? make it up for the future... today will be the past, and it's not goin' to be a good day... grrr to the max... i know I KNOW STOP SCOLDING... MAYBE IT IS GOOD FOR ME... BUT I'M SCOLDING MYSELF ALREADY... JSUT CUZ I'M SCOLDING DOESN'T MEAN TO FEEL SYMPATHETIC FOR ME EITHER!!! DON'T SCOLD; DON'T BE SYMPATHETIC... TRUST ME??? trust me... yes trust me... trust me... gotta grust me... i mean trust me... trust me... and know.. wait *vent... 'scuse'muah... trust me... trust me... og... gotta g... gotta trust me... i can do it... NIcorette can help... tough actin' tinactin... wasted talant? what's my talant... i like being the oddball of the family... lets' keep it that way... whether THEY see me accomplished or not... i dont' have to worry about it tooo much... right??? can't i be selfish??? yeah... here's my selfish way... i'll tell u... i don't... i won't care what u think about my actions... yeah... yeah... i won't care what u think of me... i'll be thinking of u... i wont' get in ur way right?... i'll try not to... and i'll ask help if i need it... right???... u'll be there for me??? hopefully u won't be busy... but yeah... can't think about what u think about me... just like that one quote from steevesarobot... let me bust that out real quick... wahwahwah: Steeeves A Robot profile: The moment that you start worrying about what others will think about you because of what you do or how you act is the moment you give up on yourself. To worry about other people's thoughts is a suicide wish in and of itself. Stress will come with worrying which will lead to false identities and therefore leading to people not realizing their full potential in how great and wonderful they can be. false identities??? nah, i am who i am... and i dont' care what they think of me... so i gotta not care what they think of me on my Puture decisions... it's for my own good... all u others rn't invovled.. at least i try not to get u'all involved... oh wasted money.... I'm SORRY... save it... I DON'T WANT TO WASTE ANYMORE... I'LL ASK WHAT I NEED, AND RIGHT NOW, I DON'T WANT NOR NEED THIS... :-(.... SAD YEAH... BUT IT'S SADDER THAT I'M NOT LIKING IT TO THE MAX... I DID IT SO I DON'T LOOK LIKE I'M DOING ANYTHING... IT'S WORSE THAT I'M DOING IT, BUT NOT PRODUCING LIKEABLE RESULTS... SO I MIGHT AS WELL STOP... THINK AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN... UNTIL I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING... IF TIME ISN'T ON MY SIDE THEN LEAVE IT... I'LL TAKE MY TIME... MY TIME... YEAH... IT'S MY TIME... NOT TIME ITSELF... AND THAT'S IT... REGRET... I ALREADY HAVE MUCH REGRET NOW... ALTHOUGH I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD... BUT YEAH... I'M NOT A QUITTER, IT'S THROWING IN THE TOWEL... Y GO INTO THE RING NOT PREPARED... I'M NOT PREPARED... HELP ME PREPARE... DON'T MAKE ME FOREVER UNPREPARED... GOTTA BE PREPARED,... YEAH... UMMMM STOP IT ALL NOW... I'LL MOVE ON... I KNOW I CAN... TIME IS WHAT I NEED... AND U DONT' LIKE MY TIME... I DONT' WANT TO CARE WHAT U THINK... I'LL TRY NOT TO CARE TOO MUCH OF WHAT U THINK, CUZ I GOTTA CARE ABOUT MYSELF FIRST... GOTTA HELP MYSELF BEFORE HELPING OTHERS... YEAH... YEAH... I'M SO FREAKED UP TODAY... BUT IT SHALL GET BETTER... *scratches neck... U MAY SEE ME AT MY LOW POINT AND NEVER SEE ME AGAIN... U MAY SEE ME AT MY LOW POINT AND FOREVER SEE ME AT MY LOW POINT EVER AGAIN... BUT THOSE WHO SEE ME IN THE FUTURE... I'LL CHANGE... EVERYBODY CAN, BUT WHO DOES??? I WILL DO IT... GOTTA THINK POSITIVE... ALL RIGHT... ALL TYPE/TALK/WRITE... I'LL SHOW U... U MAY NOT SEE ME NOW CHANGING, BUT I AM DAMMIT... I GOTTA... BELIEVE IN ME...FAITH... TRUST... UNITE US... UNITES US!!! (haha... sorry a lil BRAVEHEART in me... but that sux... cuz like he gets betrayed... there wasn't trust... vvell freak it... he died... u think it ended there??? just cuz he died doesn't mean it ended... *nods head ... yeah, yeah... KNOW THIS... IT'S EITHER I'M THE FIRST TO DIE, OR THE LAST TO DIE... BUT BEFORE I DO... I'LL START SOMETHING... :-J *GRINS... I'M AN INSTIGATOR RENENDER??? *SCRATCHES NECK... SO YEAH... I WONT' SAY WHAT I'LL START FIRST EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY HAVE THOUGHTS IN MY MIND... MAYBE IT WAS JUST THE SUMMER THAT'S Y ... YEAH... EVERYONE IS AVAILABLE IN THE SUMMER AND I WANNA HANG OUT WITH THEM... BUT SINCE EVERYONE IS AT SCHOOL AND GETTING THEIR EDUCATION WHICH IS THUMBS UP TO THE MAX... OR THEY HAVE JOBS... I WILL NOT... WILL NOT BE BORED AND BE A BUM AND NOT BE UNPREDUCTIVE I'LL MAKE USE OF MY TIME... I SHALL... I WILL DAMMIT... TRUST ME... I'M SO NOT HAPPY NOW... BUT THIS ... THIS ME HERE RIGHT NOW... SAYING I'LL CHANGE IS GIVING ME INSPIRATION... LET ME RIDE THIS INSPIRATION PLEASE!!! I CAN DO IT... I MAY NOT BE DOING SOMETHING OUT THERE IN THE WORLD NOW, BUT I'M DOING SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF NOW... SURE SURE, IT SOUNDS LIKES IT'S NOT A BIG THING TO U... BUT IT'S ME.... IT'S MY pov... WAIT... I DONT' CARE WHAT U THINK HAHHAHAHA... YEAH!!! *INHALE... YEAH... *EXHALE... I'LL PRINT THIS OUT... MAKE COPIES IF U WANT... REMIND ME... REMIND ME AND ANNOY ME (FOR THE GOOD)... I CAN DO IT... COME ON DAMMIT I CAN DO IT... talk to me later... but trust that i'm doing the right thing, ya'know??? it may seem like i'm static at home, but i'm changing... and and and... ummm yeah, ur all mad at me now... but shooot can't worry about it... gotta change... it'll be proven in the end... yeah... the now may hurt... but as long as its good in the end... 'a means to an end'? sure... *nods head... SLOWLY... and i stress slowly... but SURELY... and i also stress SURELY... i'll make a big impact... good or bad we'll see... but i'm goin' to do this... u can't force me to do somethin' i'm not up to... i can't force myself to do something i don't like... i'm not forcing myself ... so yeah... let's just leave me be... leave me be in a sense that i'll be productive my own way... what way??? it's a suprise... for everyone... a big shabang... something like... something nah i wont' say it... trust me... ya'know??? dont' look in the trunk... :-P :-? dang it, JEN!!!... oh vvell... dang it DOMINIC!!! for sitting in trunk... wahwahwah... smile on my face cuz the future is bright, the present is gloomy, and the past... vvhatever it's in the past... pssh... so let me make things right for myself... and let's start off with putting up a punching bag... fickle i am, but determined also...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 4:11 AM [+] ::
...

dammit, still haven't started yet... and i'm just drinking Starbucks... Snatch was a good movie...
okokok... *sigh
no matter were i go i won't be satisfied... and i don't wanna blog long... just know... that... :-/ dammit i dont' know what to say... i know the consequences... but itself isn't motivational... the rewards rn't motivational... honestly... i gotta do something... i'd rather have me mum not spend money for school on me until i KNOW what i want... sh--... does it even matter?... i know she'll be pissed to the max... yeah, i don't know... i don't want a long blog... can't waste time... here...wait... doesn't matter... i would wanna think about what to do about my Puture rather than pharmacy... *rubs eyes... i wanna change... i really do... but I KNOW i'm not showing it... WTF??? HONESTLY... i want to change... my working habits... getting a scolding would just make me feel sad to do anything... going out and having fun, will just make me too happy to do any work... honest... shITzer to the max... damn... i could freakin' smell the Starbucks emmittin' from my mouth... blegh... *scratches head and sighs... FINISH what i STARTED??? *thinkin' a lot...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:56 AM [+] ::
...

You are worth exactly: $1,619,530.00.

We hope you can find somebody who is wealthy enough to afford you.

*shrug...
gotta do report... later... :-/
saddened to the max... i have problems with my educational decisions...
i want to blog about it... later... or not... vvhatever...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:26 AM [+] ::
...

You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

that is soooo true to the max!!! see, i'm not asking for help... dang... blogger and xangas really show what a person feels, a lil... so yeah... don't help me... hehe... i'll help u... *nods head...
y is there a smile on my face and i'm feeling differently???... cuz ... u see the outside, not the inside...
shItzer, i'll shut up... HA!!!
hmmm i've seen the quiz before, wonder y i didn't take it back then? FATE.... 0o0o0o0o0o or not...

o yeah, just to remind myself...
confidence... it made sense earlier... and stuff...
if i shoot... i'll rebound... or someone can give me the ball instead of me going all the way to get the ball... yeah... less than 2 hours for a 5 page report and HW... and yet there's smile on my face, weeping joy in my heart, and sleepy eyes... vvhatevers the freaks evers... :-/
:-j

hmmm... actually it's not true to the max... i do look for a reason to be miserable... cuz... can't be blinded... nope nope nope... nor can i be blinded by the miserableness... and, i kinda do know how to act if i just say freak it... ya'know...??? i didn't know there was positive possibilities for this quiz... dang, i thought this was a self-loathing quiz dammit... haha... eh, vvhatever, i got what i got...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 4:19 AM [+] ::
...

LW~~!: (4:00:35 PM): i think God got mixed up and put a guys brain in me
LW~~!: (4:00:39 PM): lol
BATMA17 (4:00:52 PM): =-O


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 6:02 PM [+] ::
...

i think too much causing me to procrastinate... and i like it... screw school, but is that the kind of attitude to pass through society's threshold?... freak it... "vvhatevers clevers"... kay serra serra... vvhatever wil be will be... but dammit i honestly on't know which direction to head... obviously i can't just sit on my bum all day... but what is there to do that i like?
vvell, there's always something that i won't like to do... so i'll just have to do it... true, true... vvell i dont' like homework... y must work intrude thy home?... i have to do it... but i'm not doing it... simple yes, but i have passion over the littlest things... things that if i heard others' had a problem with it too, i'd tell them to get over it, but i wouldn't force them... i'm like them... i am them... it's like we all know what's good for us... but i, for a fact, can't do it... that's right.. can't... or i can, but i cna't for some diabolical reason... *sigh... must i look at the details... the small print... the molecules that make up these thoughts of mine... i see a big picture, and i look close at it... i take a a magnifying glass and study each detail... then, does that mean i missing the view of the picture itself?... can't i just say screw it and enjoy the view?... i can, but can't... or won't... *inhale, exhale... so tired... planning... scheduling... all for what... just to show i will do it... then when the time comes, i ultimately say nah... later... or screws its all together... my future looks dim, my friends... it really does... i want to change, but can't strive to... what's wrong with me? dont' help me... it would spoon fed me...f ed spoon.... food speed....spoonfeed... i twould ... it would be like spoon feeding me... i guess... blar blar blar... *sigh again and again and throughout... damn it, jim... can't i appreciate the things i have... ok, i do, then what?... this is just now... what about then... what will i feel then?... ummm yeah ok...... let's see... i don't like being told what i'm doing... which is nothing... a lecture u can say... haha i know my problem, i acknowledge i do have a problem, but i don't do much about it... i want to, but dammit i can't... what is it? i do not know, fo sho fo sho... time's a wastin' and ... id ont' like my progress if any... shoots-in-a-mythologies... second week of school... killin' me softly... *looks down... *sigh again and again and forevermore... dammit... what will change me? what defining moment will change me... time takes too long... i NEED something drastic... y can't i accept the fact it takes TIME to do things... maybe i'm not as patient as i thought i am with myself... one slice OF ACTION... that's all... not more than (something/blank)... it's me... i'm sure there r others like me... but dammit... what is it that is holding me back... y am i typing here rather than researching on allergies in general (my 1 page report)??? the company of friends make me happy, but, like me, they have other stuff to work on... es all good... es all good... dammit, God... haha... i'll talk tblhabalhdaldfhs;alhdfa ooook then *scraches leg...
*will go back to lying in bed and ponders forevermore...
i like to think than do action... it's like i wish i need someone to take care of my financial necessities... so i myself dont' have to worry about it... selfish? can't i be just a lil?


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 11:22 PM [+] ::
...

CURRENTLY:
i'm not too worried about love... honestly, there is nothing there to worry about...
i'm more worried about my future... all these academic decisions have been bothering me... schools, money, dorm, friends, family, courses... i dont' know what to do anymore... vvhatever, i talked to my sis about it... i dont' feel like regurgitating what i said to her... it's just that school... and HW... freak what a grade is... freak it... it's ur own words and work... just as long as u know what ur doing... that's all... fineto... gotta continue to stop worrying what a grade means... *sigh... okokok... this is not everything what i wanna say here... but yeah, talk to me... NO WAIT... i will not open to u... haha... okokok ummmm yeah... 1 page report due tomorra... don't wanna start that... wanna think... and continue to think... test on wed. along with a 5 page report... but to live through it... i gotta say... be brief... well... i mean... as long as i know what i'm talkin' about... yeah... *sigh vvhatever...ummm... job?... money... it all comes down to money... sad ain't it... just to pay for necessities... *shakes head :-/... ummmmm think thunk thank thenk thonk... wahwahwahahahaha... oket... :-| *shrug... sleep... pattern... do what i gots to do... responsitility bi0tch... responsitility... it'll come when it comes...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 9:24 PM [+] ::
...

LW~~!: well i was like u dunno until u risk it or whatever
LW~~!: and now that i did..
LW~~!: shit

hahahahahhaha


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 9:53 AM [+] ::
...