:: Dnubirom .....reverof dna dne eht tilnu won ::

:: Monday, September 01, 2003 ::

i think too much causing me to procrastinate... and i like it... screw school, but is that the kind of attitude to pass through society's threshold?... freak it... "vvhatevers clevers"... kay serra serra... vvhatever wil be will be... but dammit i honestly on't know which direction to head... obviously i can't just sit on my bum all day... but what is there to do that i like?
vvell, there's always something that i won't like to do... so i'll just have to do it... true, true... vvell i dont' like homework... y must work intrude thy home?... i have to do it... but i'm not doing it... simple yes, but i have passion over the littlest things... things that if i heard others' had a problem with it too, i'd tell them to get over it, but i wouldn't force them... i'm like them... i am them... it's like we all know what's good for us... but i, for a fact, can't do it... that's right.. can't... or i can, but i cna't for some diabolical reason... *sigh... must i look at the details... the small print... the molecules that make up these thoughts of mine... i see a big picture, and i look close at it... i take a a magnifying glass and study each detail... then, does that mean i missing the view of the picture itself?... can't i just say screw it and enjoy the view?... i can, but can't... or won't... *inhale, exhale... so tired... planning... scheduling... all for what... just to show i will do it... then when the time comes, i ultimately say nah... later... or screws its all together... my future looks dim, my friends... it really does... i want to change, but can't strive to... what's wrong with me? dont' help me... it would spoon fed me...f ed spoon.... food speed....spoonfeed... i twould ... it would be like spoon feeding me... i guess... blar blar blar... *sigh again and again and throughout... damn it, jim... can't i appreciate the things i have... ok, i do, then what?... this is just now... what about then... what will i feel then?... ummm yeah ok...... let's see... i don't like being told what i'm doing... which is nothing... a lecture u can say... haha i know my problem, i acknowledge i do have a problem, but i don't do much about it... i want to, but dammit i can't... what is it? i do not know, fo sho fo sho... time's a wastin' and ... id ont' like my progress if any... shoots-in-a-mythologies... second week of school... killin' me softly... *looks down... *sigh again and again and forevermore... dammit... what will change me? what defining moment will change me... time takes too long... i NEED something drastic... y can't i accept the fact it takes TIME to do things... maybe i'm not as patient as i thought i am with myself... one slice OF ACTION... that's all... not more than (something/blank)... it's me... i'm sure there r others like me... but dammit... what is it that is holding me back... y am i typing here rather than researching on allergies in general (my 1 page report)??? the company of friends make me happy, but, like me, they have other stuff to work on... es all good... es all good... dammit, God... haha... i'll talk tblhabalhdaldfhs;alhdfa ooook then *scraches leg...
*will go back to lying in bed and ponders forevermore...
i like to think than do action... it's like i wish i need someone to take care of my financial necessities... so i myself dont' have to worry about it... selfish? can't i be just a lil?


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 11:22 PM [+] ::
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