:: Dnubirom .....reverof dna dne eht tilnu won ::

:: Sunday, February 15, 2004 ::

am i avoiding something i should take a look at?... is it a priority problem?... actually, lately, it's been better when i don't think about it... and now that i'm thinking about it, it doesn't make me feel worse, but it's questioning me if i should continue to not make this problem a priority... welps, i'm into 'signs' and signals ... for ex. Fortune Cookies... suddenly having a talk with someone and without them knowing, they'd answer my dilemma... well, i just read another sign... i relate to it... it is more like a past problem... but never resolved... it's more a of an x-file... a cold case... an unsolved mystery :-P... ... alright, alright, i admit... i don't like change either... but isn't it kewl to be the lonely, bad ass, hero guy who hides a lot of secrets?... yes... but this isn't entertainment... the audience knows who the lonely, secretive guy is while the characters around him r oblivious to it... although (have i written a similar blog about this?)... although in reality, the only audience would be myself... cuz i know i'm mysterious and i'm entertaining myself, but i'm still the one hurting... but still, i've dealt with it... but still, i'm not getting younger... i like me, but i like other things too... but i ... it's like... that Seinfeld episode where George doesn't want his Girlfriend to be apart of his friends group... something like that... Independent George shouldn't mix in with Dating George??? i forgot... but if one mixes in with the other lifestyle, the other will die... hmmm i dont' want myself to change, yet i want something to... *clenches fist... DIABLOLICAL SCHEME!!!... or maybe... i'm in the process of changing... the past month ever since i've been feeling better... others' lifestyles have been changing noticeably... honestly, i thought everyone moved on, or in the process of, and i was the last one, but it's apparent that it is not so... we all miss high school for the similar, if not the same, reasons... unless ur the fortunate one to have more than one group of friends... *{rubs chin... but that's not the only thing,... i'm not trying to be specific, i'm trying to be general... i like me, and it's fun, it's a ... game?... but yeah... hm, thingx r jinxed when i say it... or not... wwait wait wait... time and again, i remind u thati'm the only boy in the whole extended family to bring down the family name... i have a feeling it'll end with me, unless i change... but if i cahnge, then things will be diferent, which is good and bad... dammit!!! can't have the gosh dang good with out the freakin' fraggin' bad... but it's not bothering me as much as before... but i did say the past month, or more like few weeks, things have been changing with me... or i'm attempting to, and so far so good, ... i hope i didn't jinx myself then... it's all in the mindset... blah blah blah... o ko ko kokookokokok... back to the beginning... i'm not necessarily avoiding the situation, cuz it doesn't seem more like a problem... i't smore of a "'it's not making me feel bad so y give my attention to it'", but it is making me think to reopen and face it... or am i still preparing myself, biding my time for the bigger event to come... we shall see, we shall see... the future is now... we will be something something... i forgot haha... (<-it's from an X-men episode)... hm... sometimes, u dont' notice the process of change lest u think of the past and how ur stAtus is today... o, what the things that make us be... so what's being set up/happening today, that will be executed tomorrow?...??


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 11:05 PM [+] ::
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