:: Dnubirom .....reverof dna dne eht tilnu won ::

:: Monday, February 16, 2004 ::

o k... back to what i was saying... Y LIVE??? what's the point of living if there's always bad stuff... evil... negativity... cuz u can't have the good without the bad??? sounds logical... God/religion a placebo?... it can BE!!!... sh-- as of now... let's just say the reason i'm not doing anything bad to myself is to see how long i can endure life... let's see how i'll die if i dont' do it to myself already... is there destiny?... fate? WTF??? y live?... o and not just that... uhhhhhhh

hmmm
u know what i feel like... wait.. . okokok... wait... okokok okokokk ummmm if i were to able to choose whether to be not able to think or to have all knowledge... i'd think it'd be logical to not be able to think cuz then u r ignorant and don't care... apathetic... but i'd STILL CHOOSE TO HAVE ALL KNOWLEDGE... and THAT INCLUDES THE PAIN... IT'S LIKE I'M ASKING FOR THE PAIN... I WANT IT ... I DOTN' KNOW Y... I JUST DO... Y DO I WANT IT??? U KNOW WHAT ELSE??? I FEEL LIKE I'M EITHER A GUY WHO WANTS TO DO GOOD BUT FOR SOME REASON CAN'T DO IT AND AT THE SAME TIME KNOWS THAT IT WON'T END EVEN AFTER I'M GONE... OR I'M JUST AN EVIL BIDING ITSELF INSIDE MY BODY READY TO BURST... SO DEAR READERS... IF U SEE ME IN THE NEWS IN THE FUTURE TALKING HOW I'M CRAZY... WELL, THE QUESTION "IF UR CRAZY, DO U KNOW UR CRAZY?" WILL BE ANSWERED... CUZ THE ANSWER IS YES... I KNOW I'M CRAZY... IF I'M GIVING A JUST EXAMPLE OF THE WORD CRAZY... Y DO I WANNA HELP PEOPLE?!?!?! F--- FREAK IT... U KNOW,

IN GENERAL, PEOPLE GET ANGERED BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GET WHAT THEY WANT... OR... THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT... THAT IS SO TRUE... AND THERE IS NO ANSWER TO IT... WELL IF THERE IS AN ANSWER... IT WOULD BE... IT JUST IS

SOLUTION: ABSOLUTE APATHY, OR IGNORANCE, OR SOMETHING

WHERE'S gOD? F---IN' SOCIOLOGY MAKNI' ME QUESTION IT, BUT IT IS PLAUSIBLE... THROUGHOUT TIME 'HIGHER BEINGS' R THINGS THAT HUMANS CAN'T CONTROL... OR MAYBE THER E IS???... TOO MANY QUESTIONS, THERE'S JUST TOO MANY QUESTIONS... U JUST GOTTA HAVE... FAITH??? WHAT ELSE WHAT ELSE...WHATELSE... IS THERE NO ANSWER TO WHY?...
WHOA, DUDE, THE FUTURE... WE DIDN'T HAVE CELL PHONES, NOW WE DO... NOT EVERY CAR HAS A TV, NOW IT'S BECOMING... JUST GO WITH THE FLOW??? I GUESS...

U KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD... I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DIE ANONYMOUS... OR LEAVE THIS WORLD WITH PEOPLE CONFUSED... BUT AT THE SAME TIME... I WANNA DIE A TRAGIC DEATH... BUT WITH MEANING... I'VE ALWAYS WANTED 'GOOD' MEANING... BUT WHAT DEFINES A GOOD INTENT... HECK.. MAYBE U'LL SEE ME BLOW UP SOMETHING AND KILL ... AND WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS gOD'S WAY WOULD BE QUESTION ABLE... MAYBE, JUST MAYBE THERE IS A DEEPER MEANING... MAYBE I DID IT CUZ IT HAD TO... OR MAYBE I DID IT CUZ I'M JUST BORED... OR ANGRY... Y CAN'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND.. . Y CAN'T I UNDERSTAND... MAYBE WE ARE APART OF THE GROUND... OR MAYBE IN A COMPUTER... OR A VIDEO GAME... OR WE DID EVOLVE... WTF... MAYBE I'LL JUST RAMBLE TODAY, AND NOT CARE WHAT I SAY TOMORROW... THE FUTURE IS UNKNOWN PEOPLE...
FUNNY, I THOUGHT I'D END on an angry note... but i got my answer right here:
the future is unknown; deal with it accordingly

calm down now... y now???... vvhatever
is that the answer??? or maybe i should just stop questioning... or maybe i should ask more...
what do i do...
WHAT IF... i meet someone and they literally make me feel different and want to change my thoughts and feelings and actions... WHAT IF IT DOES WORK OUT... BUT THEN AGAIN, WHAT IF IT DOESN'T...??? what would i do then... but wait... i have the answer right there...
the future is unknown; deal with it accordinlgy

but what is accordingly, what or whom or whatever do i go to if i need help... or more answers?...
faith?... if that's the type of person u r... but what if ur not... maybe i shouldn't worry abotu others... maybe i should more... i'm at a lost... i don't want to help the economy... i want to help ... [fill in the blank] ... y am i like this???...

those of u who know me... do i anger u... no, wait... u have ur reasons... ihave mine... should they mix together or not... communicate or what... no wait waitwait wait... i ave a feeling just saying this will get the wrong idea i'm tryin' to get out...
freak it... ihave HW to do... 2 weeks and a 4 day weekend and nothing done... how grand... it's not like i'll do it now... or maybe i will
i wish i knew... i wish i was nurtured... i don't feel adequate... but if i did, would i ask for more?... would i want milk with the cookie?... r we people who want more right after we receive what we first asked initially?... i wish...
into the future unknown; let's help each other... or not


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 9:49 PM [+] ::
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