:: Dnubirom .....reverof dna dne eht tilnu won ::

:: Wednesday, July 06, 2005 ::

saw mark b. and his dad recently... and krizelle and rath the next day...
if u don't want to remember something, just don't type it in here, right?... well what am i referring to... well, by the time i'm reading this in the future i might've forgotten, so oh vvell har har hardy har har...

dang, i write in here a lot again...
ever since my cars been gone... WHAT i'm still moping about my car??? no, not so much, not really...

but the usual problem persists... laziness... laziness??? it's summer... u mean summer school?... no, school is kewl, the teacher is kewl... no HW... i like history... just like one big story... but ya'know... i thought i would've gotten a high B at least on exam I, but no, alas, i got a high C... actually a low B because there were 2 mistakes on the test... but still... come on... no, nothing to worry about... what else bothers me... things, everything...

wanting to change, but can't... or won't.. i can do it... i want to do it, but i will not do it... not me, buy my will... the will isn't there... ya'knowwhaahmea?

boo hooooooooo
wireless keyboard rules! but what will hapen to the effects of my back?... i think my back still hurts cuz psychologically i want it to hurt, or not... excuses, excuses... in need of muse... ringo starr was on leno,... "you have to pay your dues, if u want to sing the blue. and no matter what, choose love..." or somethin' like that... wait a min... i've been searching and i can't find the lyrics i heard on leno... i found the song, but there's a part of the song that i liked after he says "u gotta pay your due", but i can't find it, oh vvell... vvhatever the freak ever...

o yeah!!! cousin lannie is pregnant again... ha, just last september, her first child, marisela jade molina, was born... thas some crazy shiznets... apparently, she forgot to take her birth control...
also, my sister says that it's a good thing to take birth control cuz it balances out hormones, but i read in some articles that it is bad cuz it disrupts natural hormones... eh, i have my reasons...asldkfasd;lkj...

i'm helpless, i need help, but i don't want help... just like i need money, but i don't want it... i want this, but i don't want to get it... u may see me and say "o gosh, get over it... or, r u serious?" *shakes head; walks away...
weelllllll, i would be the same way to someone else, but still, it's me and i think it's worse than others... or maybe i can't tolerate it as well as others that's y it's worse for me... i don't know... who reads this?... nah, don't answer, i don't wanna know ... or do it?... it's july and the house was supposed to be finsihed by now, but apparently, the construction workers over booked themselves or something, and they have other projects to work on... come on,it's like an rpg game... concentrate on one person until they're out,... attack all at once, and u get the job done faster, then u can concentrate on someone else, and u'll have less casualties and more hp, instead of equally distributing ur attacks... ... peeps used to IM me all the time saying: "man, BATMA17, i'm sad"... and ya'know i'd listen and stuff and offer solutions, but not i'm the one sad... and although they mean well, well... i agree, i should do the things u tell me to, but i can't... i can, but i can't... the will power isn't there... i have SO MAY THINGs i want to do, but no motivation to do it... and it's too late when a situation arises and i says to myself, dang, if i just di this earlier... i would have been creditted... i want the credit, not the attention... crying but not... u won't receive help unless u ask... well i don't want to... even if i do, i'd still be stubborn to do what they tell me, cuz i don't want to do it cuz they tell me to... i want to do it because i want to...

it's the point of no return... i don't know... an external grief... with constant reminds... or an internal grief, which may or may not explode... everyone is happy, most of the time... i don't know what thehecksinamythologies...

can't time just stand still until i figgure things out... and well... i have these great plans that can be executed really really well, but i can't seem to carry it out... and i sorta kinda follow the motto: if u want something done right, u gots to do it urself... trust issues?... maybe, but i say no... cuz it's better to blame me than someone else... take the pain than inflict it which would then backfire...

i'm 20 and i could've done things... extraordinary productive things... but not... i'm "destined to be something else"... destined to be an example of something not to do... eh, what a way to go, but it's just another tally on a statistic in which no one will fully understand... or maybe i do and i'm convinced they don't... or not... my fingers hurt...

.self-abused.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:28 AM [+] ::
...