:: Dnubirom .....reverof dna dne eht tilnu won ::

:: Monday, October 26, 2009 ::

H7thB, B!!!


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 1:43 AM [+] ::
...

(PS: 4 pill bottles; indian doctor; aveena)

2 bad dreams, one of them hallucination and very real. the other disturbing.

the first dream. I went to bed at 2:30ishAM.

I was at my cousin's house and he offers me a pill. I take it. The effects are very euphoric and the strongest I've ever felt. We bump heads and our friend Jermaine laughs. I'm lying on the floor. The euphoria is gone, but the effects are not. Eyes blurred. Lying down immobile. Heartbeat non-stop. I crawl myself on top of the bed. and just to rest it out, but it's to the point I feel I need to go to the hospital. My uncle comes in and scolds his son. He turns to me and asks if I'm ok. I shrug it off as if I'm just sleeping and turn to my side. But there's a tick in my eye that is restless. My heartbeat is not resting. He knows I'm not tired. He laughs it off. He's possibly in denial whether we took anything or not.

I wake up in the same position I went to sleep in and in the way I turned to my side. It felt very real. My head thinks that my heart is still rapidly pumping, but I know I'm awake and it's not. Normally, I have lucid dreams, but not this time.
Woke up at 5:30AMish.

I drink some water and go back to sleep.

2nd dream:
I'm driving my Dad's red Camero through the city, up to the roof, and across the connected skylines. As I pass by through late night party-goers just trying to go home. I pass a group of three. Their friends in an argument. One protecting a girl; Another holding a small knife. As I drive by, I realize I want to do stop and do something, but am too hesitant. The one holding the knife stabs his friend just under the ribs and falls to the ground. Never stopping. I continue to drive to another building. My friend D-money is on the ground lying still and face down, bleeding to death next to his bicycle. He has been stabbed too.

Too disturbed to stop, I choose to drive to the next building, park, and call 911. I tell the dispatcher that I witnessed two stabbings, but I don't know what rooftop I'm on. I get out of my car, looking for distinct signs. I ask her to track my phone instead. She can't pinpoint between one of two buildings. She describes one, and I unreasonably just say, "Yeah, that one."

Then, I come upon a group gathering around a mother distraught. Everyone is looking up. I look up. There's a man holding a newborn no more than a week old on top of the same building but at a higher elevation. I look back at the mother. She wants the man to drop her baby. He does. The wind blows and the baby curves past above my head.

SPLAT.

I run to the baby. Unsure if she has died or not. The baby's face is down and wrapped in a pink blanket. I turn her over, expecting her to be gory in the face. No, she's relatively unscathed and alive. I cradle her and she smiles. My Mom comes by and takes care of her.

I turn and see the man that dropped the building. Hands clasped, sad and looking over the ledge. The baby's father? White man, beer belly through his white shirt, white mustache. He could easily dress up as Santa Claus. A bothered-looking Santa Clause. I confront him to ask why. He, too, doesn't know why. He says it's none of my business and fights me: kickboxing. All I can and choose to do is defend. He punches and kicks hard. I do as much as I can to soften the hits. Somehow I think it's Connie's dad fighting me (still same white guy). His daughter is dead. I wanted to say she was good person, but sad inside. Her choice in BFs bad choices. He kicks and punches harder. One is blocked, but is still hard enough to knock me down. Good aim to kick my head. He does. My head is whiplashed back. It doesn't hurt. I get up and laugh at him.

I get up. My balance is definitely not there, but I laugh at him anyway. I'm nauseous. The kick had more consequences than I thought. Santa Claus is somehow now my uncle. He continues to beat me up. He's angry because he thinks I think he's a bad father. My aunt stops the fight. I explain what had happened from the point I approached the white man on the ledge. My own telling of the story is confusing...

I wake up.

After waking up, I realize that the men fighting me change persons or appearances. During the dream, they felt like there were all the same person.
I woke up at 11AM.

Maybe a portion of the second dream pertains to the movie I watched yesterday morning. "Rails & Ties" starring Kevin Bacon. Near the beginning, the mother commits suicide, attempting to take her son with him. But he escapes.

The weather is cold now. I'm cold.

I still want my hug &/or massage till I sleep. And every day I don't receive it, I feel like I'm getting worse.


c-ya:-)


-j

c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 11:21 AM [+] ::
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