:: Dnubirom .....reverof dna dne eht tilnu won ::

:: Saturday, March 12, 2011 ::

.Is there a name to my insecure craze?.

"Maladaptive Daydreaming is often characterized by pacing around (often to music) whilst in a profound daydream. Furthermore someone with the condition may uncontrollably move their hands or find and hold an object to use in a semi-unconscious state. The daydreaming is often triggered by a type of media, for example a movie or a song. Maladaptive Daydreaming is reported to make it difficult to concentrate on everyday tasks. Not everyone with the condition sees it as a bad thing but as a gift of vivid imagination."

Some people have mentioned that they think I have a mild case of ADHD or autism. I feel like I relate more to Maladaptive Perfectionist.
[ Read this short page under Negative Aspects: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfectionism_(psychology)#Negative_aspects ]

As I was reading about "MP", I came across "MD" - Maladaptive Daydreaming. After reading hours about this relatively new study, I feel like most of my life have been led by this ... disorder(?). And the past decade I've been in decline.

It does severely interfere with my mundane, everyday tasks. I do spend countless hours avoiding things I need to do by pacing and daydreaming my house all night. And I think these insecurities lead to wild imaginations of "What Ifs" and far-fetched "There's still a possibility" scenarios, which in turn ruins my relationships with people in my life.
[

"One or more of these symptoms are frequently mentioned:

- Daydreaming excessively in a way that is often compared to an addiction.

- This excessive daydreaming often begins in childhood.

- Books, movies, music, video games, and other media may be a daydreaming trigger.

- The daydreaming itself is often detailed and elaborate, sometimes compared to a movie or novel.

- Repetitive movements while daydreaming are common (but not always present in sufferers) - pacing, rocking, spinning, shaking something in their hand, etc.

- They may sometimes talk, laugh, cry, gesture, or make facial expressions as they daydream. People suffering from this know the difference between daydreaming and reality, and do not confuse the two; this makes them distinctly different from psychotics or schizophrenics.

- Some people will lie in bed for hours daydreaming, and may either have difficulty going to sleep because of this, or have difficulty getting out of bed once awake. They may also neglect basic functions such as regular meals, etc. because of excessive daydreaming.

- Daydreaming causes difficulties in their lives, or prevents them from fully functioning in their day-to-day life. "

Source: http://daydreamingdisorder.webs.com/
]

If I were to diagnose myself with my self-taught knowledge, I think I have both Maladaptive Perfectionism and Daydreaming.

I hope this doesn't scare anyone away from me.

I only tagged a handful of you because I feel you are the ones who will take me seriously and less likely to brush this aside. And I need to get it off my chest, and I'm weary of taking this burden on my own. I know you all have your own lives and burdens in your life, and as always I'm there for you when you need me. But f---... I think I'm getting pretty f---ed up here.

I rarely express serious help.

So help me and bear with me.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 10:43 AM [+] ::
...

I can't sleep. :(

I'm thinking too much. I didn't know how badly I hurt my friend's feelings. I want to tell her I'm sorry. I want her to forgive me and have us work things out.

Help me turn off my brain.

My heart, too, while you're at it.

Is asking for forgiveness selfish? I don't know what is and isn't selfish anymore.

I thought, in time, everything will be ok. But... it will probably never be ok again.

I f'd up and I want to reset life and start over. :******(((


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:47 AM [+] ::
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