:: Dnubirom .....reverof dna dne eht tilnu won ::

:: Sunday, January 26, 2014 ::

Holy Sh... She Got Married. What have I been doing with my life?

How random is that? That I would suddenly be curious to check.

I mean, Congratulations, but wow.

A lot happened between 2009-2011. It feels surreal that all those events happened in a short period of time.

It's hard to fathom... piecing it all together. *gulp...

Have I not truly escaped my past? Why am I indulging in this now?

*ponder, ponder, ponder,,,
*thinking, thinking, thinking,,,

PS:

Happy missed Birthdays, my blogspot. I forget what the password is. :P

Wow.


c-ya:-)


-j


Ya'know I'm happy, but not?... It's weird. Things are good... but they're not good enough??

A conundrum indeed.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 12:28 AM [+] ::
...

H10thB, B!!!

Currently, I'm producing a lot of project shoots and am direly failing.
This weekend in particular, we are severely under-crewed.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 11:39 AM [+] ::
...

Old Facebook quotes and about me:

"Sloppy success is better than perfect mediocrity."

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone." - Lance Clayton

=== My Choice of Career: ===
“Art is a nation’s most precious heritage. For it is in our works of art that we reveal to ourselves and to others the inner vision which guides us as a nation. And where there is no vision, the people perish.”
–Lyndon B. Johnson

"As artists, we are eternally heartbroken."
- Lady Gaga

"Natural ability without education has more often attained to glory and virtue than education without natural ability."
- Cicero

=== Life: ===
"How infinitesimal is the importance of anything I can do,
but how infinitely important it is that I should do it."
- Voltaire

"Understanding the true nature of instinctive decision making requires us to be forgiving of those people trapped in circumstances where good judgment is imperiled." - blink

"When making a decision of minor importance, I have always found it advantageous to consider all the pros and cons. In vital matters, however, such as the choice of a mate or a profession, the decision should come from the unconscious, from somewhere within ourselves. In the important decision of personal life, we should be governed, I think, by the deep inner needs of our nature."
- Sigmund Freud

“Just keep dancin’.”
- Vanessa Cease

"Live the live you will be proud of."
- Copyright me 012011

"Nothing is more beautiful than seeing the art."
- Copyright me 112810

"Do unto others before they do unto you."
- My Silver Rule :p

"There is no stability; only adaptability."
- Copyright me 01-20-09

"Our lives are defined by opportunities. Even the ones we miss."
- Benjamin Button

"Circumstances dictate action."
"I always expect the worst. That way, I'm never disappointed."
- BATMAN

"No excellence can be acquired without constant practice."
- Lady Catherine de Bourg

"When you fail, blame no one but yourself. When you succeed, credit everyone except yourself."
- Copyright me 2010

“Work like a slave, command like a king, create like a god.”
Constantin Brancusi & Claire Kang Bang Bang

"They're not dumb. They know what's going on. As long as you act in a responsibly safe way, there's nothing to fret!"
"People are naïve. Not stupid. You know what stupid is? Stupid is when you've been warned, you do it anyway, and then you complain about it afterwards. That's what stupid is. But if you do it, be responsible and accept the consequences, and learn from it. That's not stupidity. That's Growth and Experience."
- Copyright me 20100113

"To Act in Anger or Suffer in Silence?"
- me

=== On Women: ===
“To love a man despite his shortcomings. To find love such as this. A rare and fortunate thing.”
- Spartacus: Blood and Sand

"All the money in the world mean nothing without loved ones to share it with."
- Carl Beaumont

"Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate."
- Rachel Hansen

"It doesn't take more than one person to talk to a woman."
- THE most INTERESTING MAN in the WORLD on WINGMEN

"Yeah, well, when you've had your heart broken enough times and can't even bear the thought of having an emotional connection with another human being, what else is there to do?"
- Alan Harper

"Let me tell you how this would go.
We'd sleep together. And at first it would be just for kicks, but eventually I'd fall for you. Hard. And then you would do what women like you, the bad girls, the ones who like it dirty and nasty and a little bit of kinky, the ones with serious daddy issues do, you'd run. You'd avoid me. You'd be intentionally mean to me. My Savior Complex would kick in so I'd chase you. Keep calling you. Let you use me for sex on the nights when you were drunk or bored. But you're too damaged to appreciate the fact that I'm a good guy and that I could actually care. And then one day I'd show up at your apartment with flowers or something trying to woo you. Only to find you on your couch screwing some guy 10 years younger than me. Am I wrong?
I don't need it, Amelia. I'm a grown man looking for a grown woman. When you grow up, come find me. Because I am as good as they say."
- Dr. Sheldon Wallace

"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it - I will love you through that, as well. If you don't need the medication, I will love you, too. There's nothing you can do to lose my love. I will protect you until I die, and after your death I will STILL protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."
- A random excerpt I read.

"Not every man is destined to find a woman like Lois."
- Brainiac 5.0

=== My Altruism: ===
“A foolish gesture. Born of a kind heart.”
- Spartacus: Blood and Sand

=== Politics: ===
"When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."
- Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931 - 2005

=== Random Favorite Quotes: ===
"Rocky <3s Emily."

"I don't work for you anymore!"
- Deep Blue Sea

"Whoever hesitates masturbates."
- The Cable Guy

"What's worse than rape?"
- The General's Daughter

"VVhatever doesn't kill me makes me stranger."
- MY QUOTE BEFORE THE DARK KNIGHT's JOKER

"We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong-Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!"
- Gary Johnston

"Let's get dangerous!"
- Darkwing Duck

"I know the creator will go. But his work survives. That is why to escape death I attempt to bind my soul to my work."
– Michelangelo & Michael Jackson

"Any random person can type something on the Internet and then the world believes it"
- Kanye West

"If this was a Facebook status, I'd click the 'Like' button!"
*thumbs up
“If what just happened to me was an X-Box game, I would have just earned an Achievement.”
- Copyright me 2009

"Yes, I'm American. I speak any language but English, and I'm too lazy to learn the metric system."
- Wanda Sykes

"Well, I guess this is better than homicidal scorpion robots and mountains of trash."
- Sazh Katzroy

"Every girl deserves to go to a ball."
- Carl Allen

"Inflammable is flammable?"
- Dr. Nick Riviera

"Evaporated milk is a liquid?"
- Me 122210


I've been asked this question numerous times to the point where I must put this on my About Me section.

"Am I gay?"
To which I respond "Gay-happy; not gay-homo."
Definition of "Gay":

adjective, -er, -est
1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music.
2. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.
3. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.
4. licentious; dissipated; wanton: The baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies.

adverb
5. in a gay manner.

I suppose the more proper definition of me would be:
Hypomanic - http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hypomanic

Sometimes, though, I do feel a bit manic. xD

=--------------------------------------------------=
I can daydream for hours.

Life is a Movie. Make it Dramatic.

♫
Songs that describe my life:
Wedding Dress - Taeyang
Roll Up - Wiz Khalifa
♪

Duty before love.
Duty for Love.
.012511.

I like to make people laugh and say "WTF?!"

여자 친구 어디야~??

하나님이 원하셔

Others regard the Devil as an allegory that represents ... individualism, free will, wisdom and enlightenment.

I'm oblivious to a lot of things, I think.
Also, I'm very ambivalent.

Likes:
- All random acts of Humor. Morbid, Inappropriate, Non Sequitur, etc[insert ellipses here]
- Hugs.
- Agreeing to Disagree.
- Cute-Cute

Dislikes:
- Word Vomiting about myself and others.
- Cute-Stupid
- Unspreadable Butter

Pet Peeves:
#1: People who take my pens.
#2: Balloons placed outside.
#3: Not giving credit where credit is due.
#4: People who constantly complain about the same thing and do absolutely nothing about it.
#5: Pity.
#6: People who say Bert & Ernie are gay.

See what others really say About Me:
http://www.myspace.com/2188045

"Gemini, because its symbol is that of the twins, indicates an individual who quite often has a duality of purpose, feeling that he or she has two separate destinies that must be pursued before feeling fulfilled as a human being."

하나님이 원하셔

"The flaws of having a good heart." - Kimberly Padilla
"I know. It f---in' sucks." - Sushí GarciaParra [120710]


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 1:05 AM [+] ::
...

Funny how the people I invited to my VIFs birthday dinner aren't even around anymore. One has her own set of friends and group interest. One ... well, I f'd up. So much for taking initiative. -_-;;;. The other has her significant other back in her life. The last one, well,... she never has the time to, I guess.

Do I need a new set of friends?

Is it my fault that everything is fading away, or is it because of the times?

So much for NOT being selfless and pursuing personal interests, they just leave me more lonesome. Be alone in an empty room or a crowded room? Pick your poison.

I'm trying to get up and move, but I can't. I'm only happy when I see the goal in sight. Not so much as in within arms reach, but at least visible... attainable.

*le sigh...

I don't know what to fix if there is anything to fix.

Someone help me get up. I'm trying to do this by myself, but it is not working.

I'm not doing well.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:06 AM [+] ::
...

I'm getting what I want, but why am I not happy?

It's like a suicide mission. If I don't do the mission, it will(?) be a loss. If I do it, there's still a chance to win.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 11:45 AM [+] ::
...

.Is there a name to my insecure craze?.

"Maladaptive Daydreaming is often characterized by pacing around (often to music) whilst in a profound daydream. Furthermore someone with the condition may uncontrollably move their hands or find and hold an object to use in a semi-unconscious state. The daydreaming is often triggered by a type of media, for example a movie or a song. Maladaptive Daydreaming is reported to make it difficult to concentrate on everyday tasks. Not everyone with the condition sees it as a bad thing but as a gift of vivid imagination."

Some people have mentioned that they think I have a mild case of ADHD or autism. I feel like I relate more to Maladaptive Perfectionist.
[ Read this short page under Negative Aspects: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfectionism_(psychology)#Negative_aspects ]

As I was reading about "MP", I came across "MD" - Maladaptive Daydreaming. After reading hours about this relatively new study, I feel like most of my life have been led by this ... disorder(?). And the past decade I've been in decline.

It does severely interfere with my mundane, everyday tasks. I do spend countless hours avoiding things I need to do by pacing and daydreaming my house all night. And I think these insecurities lead to wild imaginations of "What Ifs" and far-fetched "There's still a possibility" scenarios, which in turn ruins my relationships with people in my life.
[

"One or more of these symptoms are frequently mentioned:

- Daydreaming excessively in a way that is often compared to an addiction.

- This excessive daydreaming often begins in childhood.

- Books, movies, music, video games, and other media may be a daydreaming trigger.

- The daydreaming itself is often detailed and elaborate, sometimes compared to a movie or novel.

- Repetitive movements while daydreaming are common (but not always present in sufferers) - pacing, rocking, spinning, shaking something in their hand, etc.

- They may sometimes talk, laugh, cry, gesture, or make facial expressions as they daydream. People suffering from this know the difference between daydreaming and reality, and do not confuse the two; this makes them distinctly different from psychotics or schizophrenics.

- Some people will lie in bed for hours daydreaming, and may either have difficulty going to sleep because of this, or have difficulty getting out of bed once awake. They may also neglect basic functions such as regular meals, etc. because of excessive daydreaming.

- Daydreaming causes difficulties in their lives, or prevents them from fully functioning in their day-to-day life. "

Source: http://daydreamingdisorder.webs.com/
]

If I were to diagnose myself with my self-taught knowledge, I think I have both Maladaptive Perfectionism and Daydreaming.

I hope this doesn't scare anyone away from me.

I only tagged a handful of you because I feel you are the ones who will take me seriously and less likely to brush this aside. And I need to get it off my chest, and I'm weary of taking this burden on my own. I know you all have your own lives and burdens in your life, and as always I'm there for you when you need me. But f---... I think I'm getting pretty f---ed up here.

I rarely express serious help.

So help me and bear with me.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 10:43 AM [+] ::
...

I can't sleep. :(

I'm thinking too much. I didn't know how badly I hurt my friend's feelings. I want to tell her I'm sorry. I want her to forgive me and have us work things out.

Help me turn off my brain.

My heart, too, while you're at it.

Is asking for forgiveness selfish? I don't know what is and isn't selfish anymore.

I thought, in time, everything will be ok. But... it will probably never be ok again.

I f'd up and I want to reset life and start over. :******(((


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:47 AM [+] ::
...

"Altruism is rarely awarded. Mischievousness often is."
-Copyright Me 011111


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 10:40 PM [+] ::
...