:: Dnubirom .....reverof dna dne eht tilnu won ::

:: Tuesday, December 04, 2007 ::

i applaud Carson Daly.


an old away message i shall now delete:


ever felt like u had a bigger purpose? a destiny unset yet?

is it fantasy? something real?
nothing at all? or just fear?

what's the purpose?

if there is a such a thing, it wouldn't be documented well. i wasn't much of a journalist.. moo har har





c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 1:43 AM [+] ::
...

i laugh at those who say they'll be there for you, but when the time comes, they're not...

.assumptions.
.over/under exaggerations.
.misunderstandings.
.miscommunications.
.avoidance.

.childish.
.pride.

.steadfast.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 4:27 PM [+] ::
...

the previous post was stupid...

my internet is slow and stupid...

thank you caloryn for allowing me to use urs...

i finished the game... i read Approx. 180 pages

hmmm, i had more to write about, but now i can't remember...

no one to blame, but yourself...

cherish your life...

.responsibility.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 1:24 AM [+] ::
...

.enlightenment.

sex is a great motivator.

the unattainable, the... [what is that word?]

.tantalizing.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 3:47 PM [+] ::
...

note to self:
- don't ask for favors; no one will give 100%
= tell specifically their job and its purpose


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 1:33 AM [+] ::
...

Making new friends, and remembering them

Noah ~ CSI: Miami
JB ~ Lighting
Jason ~ Actor; daniel
Darby ~ Actress; elsa
Mike ~ took 207 with; was out of work for awhile because of strikes, BA in physical science?
Molly ~ Orientation

Earthworm Jim
Jeff ~ MoGraph
Chris
Yulhee
TJ ~ Tia Juana
Christian
(that one girl,... :-/)
David ~ Combat Medic
(what happend to hugo and peter pan?)
Godwin / Sean
Daniel / Harim
Wes / Jason
Ara / Brandon
(what was porn guy's name? gave VV tuturials)
Steve ~ S.T.Deve
Tenisha J---s ~ ABC 7 news; LB, married to a pinoy
tracy
tracy
(how many tracy's are there?)
Craig ~ long hair
Justin ~ Harim's friend
Roger ~ "Let's walk out of the room."
Jeremy ~ Manchester
Keith
Basuki
the two guys... hahaha... shake and "you feel ashamed after her class"
Omar

Lugh P----s
Brad
Greg
Nathan techie
Kurt techie
tracy
pietro
jenee
erik p-----t
stephanie ps
stephanie ae
james r----n
connie/carnie?
alberta
Cheri M---s ~ moved to HI
Warren
Mike S--e and partner... :-/...?
Sue
Toi
Rob


ok tired of thinking...
TBC...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 11:59 PM [+] ::
...

it's hard to please an audience...

hmmmmmm...

contemplating, contemplating, contemplating


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 5:37 PM [+] ::
...

I'm going to save the world... somehow

and create more problems for more people to solve ;-)


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 12:46 AM [+] ::
...

also, it sux that my List of Links won't show up on the main page...
>:(


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 11:10 AM [+] ::
...

i feel kinda left out that i didn't go to the party...
but i was tired and busy...

who knows what would've happened...

i'm old...
and a failure...
sorry
-_-

working diligently on a sinking ship


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 11:07 AM [+] ::
...

I was so angry I didn't play any videogames.

my mom knew i was angry this whole day, so she bought me an Ernie stuffed animal.

i feel better.
not the best, but pacified.




tee hee hee
i'm 'intimidating'. I feel man-ly

i'm worried. My mom may start having Alzheimer's.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 5:18 PM [+] ::
...

*antsy to the max

i'm losing my mind

American Psycho
Watch and understand




she told me,
"What will revenge solve?"
to which i responded,
"Yeah, and supposedly all it takes is love."




big sh--- doesn't phase me much. i can let go easily.
little sh-- is another thing. Completely. Little Stupid Sh--. Those little f---ers piss me off. Sure, make fun of me, it won't change the fact that...

sometimes, stopping Stupidity can't be fixed by education.
Fight Stupidity with Stupidity


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 4:31 AM [+] ::
...

f---ing God, Why couldn't you make me more of a fighter?


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 3:16 AM [+] ::
...

you know what's funny, but not?

People who say they'll be there for you, but when you call them.
They don't answer.

And by then it'll be too late.
And at your funeral, they'll think, "I told him/her, 'I was there for him/her.'"


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:58 AM [+] ::
...

starting a movement...

"aren't you going to wash your hands?"
"No.
Because I'm EEEeeevil." >:j


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 8:30 PM [+] ::
...

a wide range of emotions within three hours or so...

nostalgism, morbid dementedness, and now sadness...
soon it'll be depression again...

bah humbug


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 7:31 PM [+] ::
...

First time i beat a game... twice

i usually play a game once through and never play to the end again.

Final Fantasy X-2

problem is I only completed 98% of the game!!!

AHHHH!!! i have to play another 50+ hours to get 100%

WTFreaks-in-a-mythologies!!!


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 5:45 AM [+] ::
...

"One aims for perfection in ones life, but one doesn't find it very often.
...
You see, I think there comes a time when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning.
...
Two very different paths. I mean to be truely happy, a man must live absolutely in the present. No thought of what's gone before, and no thought of what lies ahead. But a life of meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsess about the future. My guess is that you've done quite a bit of obsessing of yours this past few days."


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 5:06 PM [+] ::
...

today at school, a realization dawned upon me.
and it came from a "shy" teacher. ~ actually she's very observative and knows how to make you feel freakin' uncomfortable. She's very "f---in'" verbal and makes great points. She definately will give you her honest POV and will tell how things aren't that happy happy joy joy, yet at the same time, it can be.
She individually brokedown each of her students, telling them their faults. With me, I've heard it all before. What I've already known I've heard it from others. Except two things. She didn't just talk about what she and others thought of me. She said what I thought about myself. And you know what? She's right. I am recessive/protective with a thick barrier. The way I walk and talk. Despite this insight, I agreed with her. The number one thing that suprised me: she wondered if anybody asked me about me. She knows I'm a listener and can hold a conversation with proper feedback, interest, and similarities with another, but she wondered if they ever asked me what I do, how I have been.
I am the one who ask all the questions. Yeah, I like to listen, but it made me feel very empty inside to realize that no one asked me my interests. I digress a little, there are those who ask me, but when i answer, I get an instant notion that they're uninterested by my answer and just smile and nod. And no, it's not only in my head, people literally end our conversation by directing their attention elsewhere. My sister always asks me to shorten my stories or answers. So, I do. I have tried long answers, short answers, adequate answers, but i guess i'm not interesting to them to have them ask more about me. No one is interested in me. Bah! yeah, there's family, but you, reader, should know what I mean.
Unless I find someone interested in me, I'll be alone. Not only that, I have to equally be interested in them. I feel vereally bothered. I can't sleep.

.emptiness.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 10:31 PM [+] ::
...

I have time.
I'm just not using it.

.angry.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 3:31 PM [+] ::
...

i'm gonna do what i do best:
go behind people's backs.

.betrayal?.
you've got the wrong idea, bud.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 12:39 PM [+] ::
...

i always knew my feelings and actions would oust me.

why do you think i kept it all in?

To protect you from me.

and me from you.

.irrelevant.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 6:35 PM [+] ::
...

Why do I feel I would rather be kicked down and stayed down instead of being picked up only to be pushed down again?


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 3:44 PM [+] ::
...

all i have ever known is to quit.
That's the only sure thing.

first work...
next is school...

watch... 30 grand of school gone like that.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 3:03 AM [+] ::
...

and it got better before it got worse...

the irony of miscommunication...


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 4:48 PM [+] ::
...

worthless... so worthless... all in one night...

all in one night.

..


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 3:53 AM [+] ::
...

I've been such a fool, Vassili. Man will always be a man. There is no new man. We tried so hard to create a society that was equal, where there'd be nothing to envy your neighbour. But there's always something to envy. A smile, a friendship, something you don't have and want to appropriate. In this world, even a Soviet one, there will always be rich and poor. Rich in gifts, poor in gifts. Rich in love, poor in love.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:49 PM [+] ::
...

Feelings are irrelevent in a communistic society.
That's y it wouldn't work.

Oh, how not to feel greed or envy.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:21 PM [+] ::
...

life's a roller coaster
+ a few day's before New Year's I was home alone because my family went to Vegas. It was GREAT!!!
- I met up with them on the Saturday and well,
New Year's sucked anal to the point where i was laughing.
But i got over it.

-- Last monday night sucked anal at work because... work sucks.
It was the worse night working there.

+ Last night, was the best night at work because I got a dollar raised and moved to a different position.

++ This morning was even greater because my parents are taking an impromptu vacation to the PI. They are leaving tonight and will be gone for 12 days.
HOME ALONE WOO HOO!

--- an hour ago,... i'm talking to teresa and all is grand,... until i got curious.
Previously, i knew she and her BF had a bet. And i knew what was the consequence of losing that bet. Today, I learned of the outcome: She Lost.
I knew I shouldn't have asked the details, but with my fake smile and hidden pain, I asked more of her story. But it's o k, as long as they have fun.

and now i feel more alone than ever.

Yeah... thanx for reading.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 2:17 PM [+] ::
...

Horrible NY'sDay

I wanted to stay home alone.

I dislike vegas greatly. ~ I have bad luck in gambling.

Here's a bed time story if you're not asleep yet.

So the plan was to have everyone in the family be together at midnight on the strip. While waiting for midnight, i went with my sisters' and their respective husband and boyfriend out onto the strip. Already in a bad mood, i didn't like the crowd and we got separated twice. Going back the third time, I said screw it and went to look for the rest of mi familia.
Meanwhile, in the hotel room, my mom, her brother and his family were going to go gamble while my dad wanted to stay in the room and play bowling on the Wii. Yes, the Wii!!! The Adults seriously play it more than my cousins and I do.
for seriously.
The plan for my dad was to meet up with them at 11PM.
anyway... My mom in her excitingly fickle ways calls my dad and forces him to leave the room before 11PM. ~ this in turn, starts the spark in my dad. He goes down and meets with them.
Apparently, they go outside, but my mom wants to wait for us kids inside. Unfortunately, you can't re-enter the casino/hotel without the card key because of the countless people. Everyone, but my dad, goes back inside. My dad was behind the group and got seperated amidst the crowd and couldn't get inside. My dad stays outside angry, talking on the cell phone to my mom, "You wanted me to come down, I came down. Go outside, go outside. Go Inside Go inside.~ I can't!" When I meet up with my mom alone, while the others went the other way, she's talking to him on the phone and is telling him to come back inside cuz she has the keycard. But he's trying to convince us to come outside. My mom is flustered beacuse of the crowd, so she doesn't want to go outside. My dad spites back and stays outside (for a total of 2 hours alone). I'm alone with my mom standing at the door. She watches the fireworks, to which i didn't know midnight struck cuz i didn't hear a countdown. I just leaned against the wall, staring at the hot dog vendors making hot dogs.
Midnight strikes, I notice there's no line so I buy a hot dog. From then on, My Night Gets Better whilst everyone else is angry for some reason or other.

I take pleasure in other people's pain.

After meeting up with my sisters again and going out with them till 3AM, we come back in the middle of a shouting arguement between our parents.

.fin.


c-ya:-)


-j

:: j 3:22 AM [+] ::
...